Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
