You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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