one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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