I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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