I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize