how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
