I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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