my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
