He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
