i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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