At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
