I think scott just propositioned me for sex
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
