just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
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Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
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He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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