oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
