shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Farmville is her only friend.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
