that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
