ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
organizing the empties. That sober.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
