U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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