we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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