Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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