Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
It was confusing and full of hummus
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
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i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
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I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.