you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it