so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad