Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.