I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
