i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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