I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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