Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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