I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
