Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
