They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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