You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
