this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
We left the knife in your bed.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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