PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
