don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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