Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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