Are we in a gay sports bar?
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
