Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
