woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
