he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
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That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
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BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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