Porn is love you can see.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
