so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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