And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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