i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
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