Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
