Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
