it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
