90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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