There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Randomize
