Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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