Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
