So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
