is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize