i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
