Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
