He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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