ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
