is your mom at the bar?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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