I want to have your abortion
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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