do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
