that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
