you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
