They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
