I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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