I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
