you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
