let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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