Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
