My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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