Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
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Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
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You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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