he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Randomize
