i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
why do cheetos always look like penises
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
