And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Randomize
