I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
