I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
